


Lay Your Weary Head To Rest

by WaywardSonsAndBlazingGuns



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst and Feels, Character Death, F/M, Gen, I'm Sorry, M/M, Pain, Sick Jared Padalecki, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 13:00:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5968215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaywardSonsAndBlazingGuns/pseuds/WaywardSonsAndBlazingGuns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared has brain tumor. Jensen's having a tough time dealing with that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I want to apologize for a number of reasons:  
> 1\. If any of the characters seem OOC, my bad  
> 2\. It's rushed, I'm sorry about that but I am incapable of writing big fics  
> 3\. I wrote this based on research conducted on the internet, I do not intend to offend or disrespect anyone nor am I ridiculing or glorifying the disease.

The universe, the planet and the people on said planet – it’s all fucked up. Jensen used to believe in God once … he thinks he still does sometimes. How could he not? He needs someone to blame.

His daughter’s in school right now, his wife went to the store for a quick errand, and Jensen’s in his room. He barely leaves it any more. He thinks back to when he last left his room and realizes that was two days ago, to grab a couple more bottles of whiskey.

Jensen glowered at the curtains. They were dark and heavy, and so, kept most of the sunlight out, but his head had started to ache again. It often did now.

Headaches. _That’s_ how it all began.

* * *

 

Jared was always laughing, always goofing off, always the life of the party, always the bright burning star. Jensen didn’t have an issue with that, Jared told him that Jensen had his own subtle glow which turned into a steady flame when he was around people he loved. Jensen didn’t mind at all. He could spends hours and days basking in Jared’s light. Because Jared burned for him.

Burned. _Past tense._

It wasn’t noticeable at first, but dammit, it should have been. At least for him. He should have started worrying when Jared woke up late in the mornings, when he swallowed an aspirin with every meal and before every scene. He should have flipped out when Jensen asked Jared to have lunch with him and Jared took 20 minutes to get to the car, looking panicked and flushed.

It wasn’t that he didn’t ask. Jensen often pestered him about it, in small, minute, Jensen-like gestures that Jared could always read into. Perhaps Jared ignored them on purpose and brushed him off because he was a big boy who could handle himself just fine.

When Jared collapsed during a fight scene and then fell down the stairs the same day, Jensen was just about done with Jared’s shit. He would tie him up and torture the answers out of him if he had to. (Though he never would because he loves his giant far too much. He’d resort to begging and eventual tears if he had to.)

By the end of the day, Jared had gotten quieter and quieter until it was finally time to head home. Jared got wordlessly into the car and Jensen sat in the back with him. Clif turned around once and raised an eyebrow at the pair of them but Jensen just shrugged. He didn’t feel like sitting up front today.

Clif pulled over, Jared got out and began his slow walk to the building. Jensen waited until Jared reached the elevators and raced after him, waving off their driver and bodyguard.

“Hey” Jensen offered.

Jared grunted in response.

“Sheesh, grumpy.”

Jared didn’t roll his eyes. Jensen clenched his jaw … this was worse than he had thought.

The doors chimed before they slid open and they both stepped into the elevator. It was quiet as it lurched upwards, Jared looked like he was trying to bore a hole into the metal doors while Jensen was figuring out some way to find out what the hell had happened and how on earth he could fix it.

The doors slid open, Jensen stepped out and turned around. Jared was rooted to the spot, looking like he was fighting off the urge to either yell or cry.

“Jay?”

“Can’t move.” He spoke slowly

“What?”

“Can’t _move_.” Jared ground out.

Jensen’s eyes flitted from Jared’s pained expression to his feet and then back again.

“What, are they super glued or som-“, the doors began to slide shut and Jensen put his foot out to stop them from closing.

Jared released a shaky breath, “I can’t feel my legs. They’re numb or asleep or whatever. I can’t walk.”

Jensen gawked at him for another second or so, eyes wide with worry and mirroring Jared’s expression of panic, and then stepped inside and put an arm around him, “Lean on me, we’ll figure this out.”

Jared did.

“Can you try and move your foot? Don’t lift it up just – try and shuffle a bit – drag it forward.”

Jared laughed, “I can’t, you massive idiot.”

“Shut up, I’m tryna help here.”

“Right” Jared puffed out his cheeks and then closed his eyes, saying a silent prayer before trying to move the foot he couldn’t feel.

Jensen waited for about a minute, not saying a word, just waiting.

Three minutes later, Jared managed to shuffle forward, just barely. Jensen finally breathed.

They got to Jared’s apartment in fifteen minutes. Jared didn’t say a word as Jensen helped him into bed and then pulled up a chair beside him.

“m’tired.” His voice was a whisper.

“Tomorrow, then?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Promise me.”

“Promise. Quit worrying.”

Jensen laughed. _Like that’s gonna happen._

He watched Jared’s eyes get heavier with sleep and exhaustion and finally slide closed. And drifted off himself.

\--

“It got really bad two weeks ago.” Jared started, mid-breakfast.

Jensen really wanted to finish his breakfast and maybe talk after his second mug of coffee but Jared looked better and more talkative than he had last night so he decided to wake up and listen and avoid begging and crying or torturing the answers out of Jared altogether. He rubbed his eyes and sat up straighter, “What did?”

“I don’t know, man. I really don’t. I get these headaches almost all the damn time and sometimes when I wake up, I can’t move my arms and legs, I’ve lost my appetite, whatever I eat-I wanna shove my hand down my throat and puke. I can’t even walk straight for crying out loud!”

“Two weeks?”

“Don’t give me that look.”

“What look?”

“That look. I thought it would pass, okay? Which is why I didn’t tell you so stop looking at me like you’re gonna ground me.”

“Whatever it is, it’s not goin away and it’s just getting worse. You need to see a doctor.” Jensen said simply.

“I was going to.”

“When?”

“Next week, when we go to Austin.”

“We’re leaving now. Pack your stuff.”

“But-“

“Finish your breakfast and pack a bag, we’re going now.”

And that was that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Gen go to the doctor for the appointment, Jensen and Danneel go to JJ's school.

Calls were made and flights were booked. They’d land in Austin by lunch time, and Jared’s appointment was at 9:00 AM the next day. Once the boys were home and were welcomed enthusiastically by their kids, Jared’s condition seemed to have improved altogether. He didn’t freeze like he had last night but stumbled a little every now and then. The kids were screaming and laughing and climbing on the pair of them and Jared seemed cheerful after weeks of tension.

Jensen smiled fondly and lifted Sheppard up by the foot, throwing him up in the air and catching him upright, kissing him on his cheek before placing the giggling three year old back on the ground. Danneel handed him a slice of homemade cake which the kids claimed to have helped make.

“Jensen … what’s wrong?”

“Nah, it’s probably nothing.”

Jensen was a little surprised when his wife gave him the exact same bitch face that Jared sometimes reserved for him.

“You’ve been watching Jared like a hawk ever since you got home, Jen. Your shoulders have been tense, jaw set, you didn’t even notice when JJ handed you the card she made.”

Jensen looked down to his other hand and found that he was, indeed, clutching a sheet of green paper with lots of flowers and stickers on it. Shaking his head he sighed and opened up the card and smiled at JJ’s interesting way of spelling, “Did I freak her out?”

“No, actually, she gave you the card and you _did_ thank her and give her a kiss.”

“Oh, good.”

“Don’t avoid the question, Jen.”

“Where’s Gen? We’ll tell you once the kids’ve settled down.”

Danneel nodded once and turned her attention to Jared, “He looks like he’s lost a little weight though, is Sam due for some suffering in the upcoming episodes?”

Jensen ran a hand over his face, it was probably nothing serious, and Jared was going to be just fine. The jerk just has to take care of himself more.

Jared, Jensen, Genevieve and Danneel lounged on the sofas in the living room, each nursing a glass of wine in their hands. Jared cleared his throat and the pair of them recounted the events of the past two weeks and their sudden flight back home. The girls shared their worry and reprimanded them for not coming home sooner because something like this could be serious but hopefully everything would be just fine. It was decided that Jared and Gen would head to the doctor and Jensen would have to stay back because the teachers at JJ’s school had something to discuss with both the parents.

Jensen gave Jared a look of apology but he waved it off and gave him an encouraging nod.

* * *

 

The next morning, both the couples headed to their separate destinations, Jared texting Jensen that he’d reached the hospital and Jensen reported that he was at JJ’s school. At some point during the parent-teacher conference, the phone that was placed on Jensen’s thigh vibrated and the screen lit up with Jared’s message.

_Doc wants me to get an MRI, a CT and some other scan I can’t remember, it’s probably standard procedure._

Jensen excused himself and left the classroom, calling Jared as soon as he was out in the hall. Genevieve answered:

“Hey”

“Jensen, hey, Jared just went in.”

“For the MRI?”

“Yup.”

There was an uncomfortable silence before Genevieve spoke up, “He’s gonna be fine, Jensen, it’s probably nothing.” She paused, uncertain and worried, “Right?”

Jensen sensed how anxious and upset she must be feeling and the uncertainty must be crushing her. Gen was a strong woman and she was pretty badass, but knowing her for as long as he did, he knew she was panicking right now.

“Hey, hey, Gen, listen.” He took a deep breath himself, “Breathe, okay? The doc probably just asked him to get an MRI to be sure. Jared’s gonna be back to his normal goofy self in no time. He just likes to make us worry sometimes.”

Her nervous laughter crackled through the phone, “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t wanna keep you or Danni’ll be pissed. Go back and get through the painstaking parent teacher crap. See you at lunch?”

Jensen let out a breathy laugh “Yeah, see you then.”

“Bye, Jensen.”

“He’s gonna be fine, Gen.”

The line clicked and Jensen put his phone back in his pocket, squaring his shoulders and preparing himself to brave what was left of the conference.

 

* * *

 

He looked nice enough. Grey-ish hair, glasses perched low on his nose, eyes blue and honest, comforting smile … but that was _before_ the test results came in. Then he took his glasses off and placed his hands on his desk and suddenly resembled Death instead of the friendly doctor.

“Jared..” he started softly, and then his lips continued to move and form a sentence that made absolutely no sense what so ever. Gen reached over and grabbed his hand tightly, it was shaking. Jared, on instinct held her hand between both of his and steadied it while simultaneously gaping at the mad man in front of him.

“What?” Jared asked for the third time.

“Jared, the MRI showed irregularities in your brain, we’re gonna run another test but I’m 85% sure it’s a tumor.”

“Brain tumor.” He tried saying it out loud, nope, it was still unbelievable, he sat back on the too-comfy chair, “Is it operable? Can it be surgically removed?”

“Not without damaging other parts of your brain.”

“What about chemotherapy?” Gen quipped

“We can try and shrink the tumor, yes.”

“W-What stage is it?” oh _now_ his voice starts to shake.

“It’s grade II.”

“Chances of recovery?” he looked up hopefully.

“50%.” He answered truthfully.

“Am I going back to Vancouver tomorrow?” Jared asked with an incredulous laugh.

“I’m afraid not, son.”

 

_We’re gonna head home. Jared doesn’t feel like having lunch. See you in an hour? –Gen_

**_3 New Messages:_ **

JENSEN: _Jared?_

JENSEN: _Jay??_

JENSEN: _Is everything alright? What did the Doc say?_

**_**Hi, this is Jared *crowd screams* AND FRIENDS! Leave a message at the tone.**_ **

_“Jay,  you gotta talk to me, man.”_

_“Jay? Me and Dee are coming over, prepare to be assaulted by my daughter.”_

_“Jared Padalecki, answer your damn phone or I swear to G-God.”_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen finds out about the tumor, a lot of time is spent in the hospital and then the doctor gives Jensen news that he did not need.

Jensen burst through the door and Danneel and JJ followed close behind. He spotted Gen in the kitchen and practically ran to her, embracing her immediately, “What’s wrong? What happened? Gen?”

Genevieve had buried her face in Jensen’s chest; she was shaking furiously, “Gen,” Jensen soothed.

She pulled away not long after and wiped her eyes, nodding at them, “I’m sorry,” she gave Danneel a watery smile and embraced her too, “Jared’s in his office.”

Jensen took off for the office and Danneel took Gen out to the patio to ask what had happened.

He burst through the door and found Jared on the leather sofa, strumming the guitar Jensen once gave him. He had a sad smile painting his features. The same smile Jensen saw back when they were filming season three and a doctor told him he had clinical depression. After the initial shock, Jared had just smiled that smile and got really quiet for a very long time. Jensen used to sit next to him and rant and talk and fill in the silence like Jared often did.

Jensen had been worried; he’d started reading up on all that he could to understand what Jared was going though in order to make him happy. Jensen tried everything. He almost gave up. But then one morning Jensen reached the set and Jared tackled him to the ground like an excited puppy and the next thing he knew, Jared was back to talking through a mouth full of gummy bears.

And then he learned that he and Jared would be sharing a house soon. Hallelujah.

 

“Jay...” Jensen approached him tentatively and sat down next to his best friend.

“Hey Jenny.”

“You call me that in public and I’ll-“

“You’ll kill me.” he cut in

“Damn right.” Jensen nodded, determined.

“Unless I’m already dead.” He said this quietly, but Jensen heard it anyways.

“ ** _What_**?”

“What?” Jared shrugged.

“What did you say?” Jensen glared at him but Jared bluntly and boldly, ignored him.

Jared strummed a few bars of Angeles, before stopping completely, “Cancer.”

“ _Cancer?_ What the fuck about can-“ He began, pissed off before it hit him mid-sentence, “Oh.”

“It’s in my brain.”

 _No. No, no no. this is not happening. Jared’s gonna be fine, doc’s an idiot._ “I-“

“Stage II”

“Jared-“ _Why can’t he form a proper sentence goddamnit._

“Can’t be operated without killing me in the process. They’ll try radiations and shit though”

“You’ll lose all your glorious hair.” Jensen finally cut in.

Jared stopped messing with the guitar altogether and stared at Jensen.

“I hadn’t thought of that.”

“It’ll grow back in a few months though, right? Then you and I can have identical hairdos.” Jensen smirked.

“Samsies.” Jared laughed.

Jensen chuckled and reached for the whiskey that’s ever present on the side table.

The bottle was empty.

* * *

 

Jensen left the room after a while, nodded at the girls and grabbed the car keys. Danneel followed him out, “Where are you going? He needs you right now.”

“I’m leaving. Need to get away from here.” His voice was gruff.

“Don’t be an idiot, Jensen. He needs you now more than ever.”

“No. He’s fine. He’s gonna be fine. He’ll recover and not lose his hair and be back on set in a week – two weeks time max. He … The doctor’s a fucking idiot that’s what he is.”

“Jensen, please.”

“ _No.”_ He almost growled.

“Jen. Come back here.” That was Jared. Standing there next to Danneel, hands in his pockets, shoulders slumped.

“This isn’t funny, you asshole. If this is some sort of prank, Padalecki, I will kill you myself.”

“Where are you going?”

“To commit first degree murder.”

“It’s not the doctor’s fault, Jen.”

“You’re _NOT DYING!_ ”

Jared stalked up to him and grabbed him by the shoulders, “No, I’m not. Not yet anyways. And _if_ I do, you will make your peace with it and deal with the situation like a friggin’ adult and _not_ run away from it. You’re not running away from your problems, you hear me? _I_ am your problem right now. And you will sit with me at the dining table and have lunch.“

Jensen’s breathing leveled and he wrapped his arms around him, “You’re _not_ dying, Sasquatch.”

“Yeah, okay.”

 

* * *

 

The fans found out soon after the hospital became a semi-permanent residence for Jared. Flowers and letters and gifts and a surprising amount of stuffed Moose surrounded him at all times. It annoyed the nurses sometimes but Jared loved it. So they let it be.  He had started losing his hair and was considering shaving it all in one go. The kids were allowed a couple of visits per day and Jensen Danneel and Gen took shifts watching over Jared. He complained about the food all the time, he hated feeling nauseous after therapy and he whined like a child every time any of them tried to force feed him.

Jared’s condition was sort of stable. They were actually considering sending him home now and only have him visit for the chemotherapy appointments. Danneel was there when Jared had his first seizure. Jensen was there when Jared collapsed in the shower. Gen was there when Jared broke down for the first time ever since therapy started. He started staying in the hospital more than ever. The damn tumor was affecting everyone, even the kids. Tom, Shep and JJ got quieter around Jared, asking him how he was and if he’d like to play eye spy with them. They stopped asking that after the first time he said no.

“Dad?”

“Yeah?”

“When are you coming home?”

“Not sure, sport.”

“But when you do, can you play catch with us?”

“Of course I will.”

“Will you fix my bike too?”

“What happened to your bike?”

“Me and JJ were playing on it and we fell and the chain broke.”

“Sure, yeah, I’ll fix it.”

“I didn’t get hurt though, Shep was the doctor so he put a band aid over our knees.”

“Thank God.”

“Where’s your band aid, dad?”

Jared went quiet.

All of a sudden, Tom was shoved behind and Shep clambered up to him, placing a blue band aid with teddy bears on it right over his cheek bone.

“There it is.”

Jared smiled. Shep looked proud.

 

 

 “Dad?” Shep whispered

“Yeah, kiddo?” he whispered back.

“I’m gonna be a doctor when I grow up and then I’ll fix anything.”

“You’ll be an awesome doctor.”

“I’ll even give the grownups candies too.”

“Good idea, little man.”

 

 

“Unc Jare?”

“Yes JJ?”

“I have a secret to tell you.”

“Well, what is it?”

“I’m the fairy princess.”

“Who’s the fairy queen?”

“Mom. And Aunt Mommy too.”

“So, your highness, what brings you here?”

“I brought a gift. It’s magical.”

“Hmm,  what is it?”

“They say a kiss from the fairy princess can heal anything.”

“Really?”

JJ planted a kiss on his cheek, “It takes some time to work, though.”

“I’ll wait.”

 

* * *

 

Jared shaved his head on a Tuesday afternoon. Jensen had stayed the night and would return in the evening, so Jared decided to surprise him.

It was 5 PM when Jensen strolled through the door; Sheppard was running his hand over Jared’s newly shaved head.

Jensen laughed, “Hey baldy!”

Jared wiggled his eye brows, “What do you think?”

Jensen pulled off his baseball cap, “Samsies.”

“Holy shit!”

“MOM! DAD SAID A BAD WORD!!!!”

* * *

 

 

Jensen was starting to hate how easy it was becoming to spend his days in the hospital with Jared. It easily fit into his routine; he’d given up practically everything else. He’d visit him, stay with him, help him eat, wait for him to sleep, switch shifts with Danneel or Gen and watch the kids or catch up on sleep. And what was annoying him even more was that Jared’s condition wasn’t improving.

Misha said that was a good thing, because it’s better than it declining. So Jensen just had to be okay with how it was and be patient. However, perhaps it was because of Jensen thinking like this, the Doctor paid Jared a visit, and then asked to talk to Jensen in private. Jensen gulped while Jared gave him a thumbs up.

Jensen blinked twice, “You’re kidding, right?”

“Would I kid about something this serious, Mr. Ackles?”

“Listen, Jared’s been fine, he’s been stable, and we’re due for a win right about now.”

“I understand but his case … it’s rare. It’s not common that the cancer cells break away from the tumor.”

“It … it’s spreading?”

“Yes. It could head to the spinal cord or other parts of his brain.”

“And if it gets there?”

“If it reaches other parts of the brain, it could affect different things, depends on which area it spreads to.”

“Hold on, so if the cancer is going to spread and cause probable death…” Jensen took a shaky breath, he had to think. He wasn’t a doctor but he’d spent an alarming amount of time researching Jared’s cancer maybe they could settle for surgery?

“What about surgery?”

“That could damage his brain.”

“So it’s better to let the cancer damage his brain _and_ kill him instead of operating on the tumor, damage his brain and let him _live?_ ”

“I’ll talk to the senior surgeon if you are on board with this; though please do discuss it with his family first?”

“Yeah … will do.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared's headed to Surgery. Goodbyes are said. Death threats are made. Oh, and love is confessed.

The four of them discussed this at length that night. No one was against the surgery but all were aware of the risk. Jared sighed audibly, “Guys, this is my life, don’t I get a say in it?”

“Of course you do, that’s why we’re here.” Jensen answered

“Doesn’t feel like it, it’s like you’re all talking _at_ me instead. We all know what’s gonna happen.”

“Jared. Don’t.” Genevieve warned.

“No, you guys have to accept it; I’m not going to make it. Surgery or not.”

“Don’t be stupid. Surgery gives you a chance.” Danneel reasoned

“Give me _one_ name of someone who made it out, who survived _after_ being operated with stage three brain cancer” Jared crossed his arms defiantly.

The room fell silent.

“Jay’s got a point. It’s up to him.”

Danneel stared at Jensen incredulously.

“Yeah! See-“ he froze, “Jensen?”

“What?” he shrugged, “You’re a stubborn idiot and we all know it, we want nothing but the best for you but at the end of the day, it’s up to you. And I know what you’re gonna say anyway. You made up your mind the second I told you what the doctor said.”

“He’s gonna go through with the surgery.” Gen’s voice was small.

“Yeah.” Jared nodded, “I’m getting a chance at living and I’m going to take it. Go down fighting.”

“Guns blazing.”

* * *

 

The surgery was scheduled a three days after the decision was made, well wishers and family and friends visited and told Jared to keep fighting, that he was going to make it. Jensen stood in the door, arms crossed, watching with narrowed eyes and teeth grinding, because Jared was saying goodbye to them.

The day before the surgery, visits had been closed.  The kids were allowed one separate visit each and as for everyone else, they all got an hour. Some people walked out early because they couldn’t bear it. Jared’s parents took two hours, but nobody complained.

 

"Gen" He gave his wife an encouraging smile as she sat down beside him, Jared placed his hand on her face and she covered it with her own, leaning into it slightly.

"I'm sorry."

"Hey, babe, what for?"

"I've been such a mess lately."

"That's my fault." Jared said softly.

"No, NO! it's not babe, please."

"It's okay, Gen, everything's gonna work out the way it's supposed to."

She nodded furiously, like a child, "I love you."

"I love you too, raise our boys right, Okay?"

"You're not dying." she glowered.

"If death was actually a person, and saw that face? It would run away from us."

"It should." She sighed, "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Jared, I love you so much."

"I love you too. Be strong. You'll be fine."

"You're the one who's skull is going to be split open."

"I'm Sam Fucking Winchester, I can handle this."

"You're Jared Fucking Padalecki and you're coming out of that room alive."

"But if I don't?"

"Jared, babe, please."

Jared her pulled her into his arms, stroking her hair gingerly as she tried to even her breathing.

* * *

 

 “Hey Danni.” Jared gave her the best smile he could muster.

“Hey.” She sat down beside him and took his giant hand in hers. He’d grown weaker, and the hands that did so much good now looked frail, almost skeletal. Her lips quivered.

“Aw, c’mere, girl.” Jared pulled her to his chest and Danneel sobbed.

“I hate you.” She said after a while, Jared laughed, sounding loud and alive, “What?”

“That’s what you said to me when we first met, remember?”

“Don’t do this, Jare.” Danneel shook her head furiously, “No.”

“Funny how I’ve known you longer than Jen.” He mused.

“Dee?”

“Hmm?”

“Take care of him, okay? He’s gonna be difficult to deal with.” His voice wavered.

“Stop talking like that.”

“Tom and JJ are getting married, right?” he asked

She laughed “Too soon to say, but they might, yeah.”

“Take care of Gen. Both the Gen’s” he smiled.

“Jared. I’m going to say some stuff now.”

“I’m listening.”

“You’re an idiot. And I hate you for being a part of my life because now I might lose you and I’m not sure what I’m gonna do without you. You’re a good man. You need to know that. We all keep reminding you and I know you know but you’ve spent way too long believing you’re not good enough and that’s a bunch of bullshit, you hear me? Thanks for bailing me out back in ’03. Thank you. Thank you for being a part of my life and thank you for being a part of Jensen’s life – You mean so much to him and he loves you, Jay. He really loves you so for his sake and for my sake and for Gen’s sake please just come out of that surgery alive.”

Danneel wiped her eyes and leaned down and wiped Jared’s eyes and gave him a kiss on the forehead. “Dying is not an option.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

* * *

 

 

“Jerk.” Jensen said as he entered.

“Bitch.” He smirked.

“Move.” Jensen grunted and sat down next to him on the bed, “If you die I’m going to kill you.”

“Danni said something along those lines too.”

“You’re an ass for making her cry.”

“She’s an ass for making _me_ cry.”

“Take care of my kids?”

“They’re _my_ kids, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Thanks.”

“Shut up.”

“Can you sing me a song?”

“Can you get any sappier?”

“Yes, I can. Now will you sing me a song?”

“I’m not doing it.”

“Do it.”

“Nope.”

“Dying man’s last wish?”

“Now I’m definitely not doing it.”

“It’s not Just Breathe, so get that look off your face. I was thinking maybe you could sing me that Mat Kearney song. Or Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley.”

“Jeff Buckley?”

“Or I am human”

“I _will_ kill you.”

“I’m not stopping you, hell, do the doctors a favor.”

“Fuck you.”

“You wish.”

“Jackass.”

“Asshat.”

“Idiot.”

“Dweeb.”

Jensen shook his head and cleared his throat, Jared beamed and his eyes lit up as Jensen began to softly sing “Where We Gonna Go from Here”

Jensen turned to look at Jared and felt like all the air had been punched out of him. His voice cracked and breath hitched. Jared was going to die. This fucking moment was supposed to be Goodbye. The fact that it was sunny and mid afternoon and early May didn’t even matter till right now. It was quiet and God knows why all the traffic decided to be silent in respect for this jackass who was leaving him.

 “I love you.”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t get it, Jared, _I_ _love you.”_

Jared grinned, “I know.”

“Don’t go.”

“I’m not.”

“Liar.”

“Always could see right through me, babe.”

“Can I kiss you now?”

“The fuck are you waiting for?”

Jensen took Jared’s face between his hands and closed the distance between them. He placed his lips over Jared’s. His lips were soft and pliant, giving under the gentle pressure of Jensen’s lips. Their lips were quivering, their faces wet, Jared put his hand on Jensen’s neck and pulled him closer, “I love you's were exchanged desperately between them and when Jared pulled away Jensen sobbed.

“Good bye Jensen.”

“Shut the fuck up. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You will.” _But I won’t._

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared survives. Temporarily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one will rip you apart. Sorry.

Danneel was slumped against the wall in the waiting room, Gen was staring at a wall, nervously biting her lip and twisting the wedding ring on her finger, Jensen was staring at the double doors, waiting for bad news to waltz in and wrap its arms around him. It had been hours.

The doors opened, but they were the ones on the opposite side, Jared’s father and brother walked through them, carrying food and coffee, “None of you have eaten properly in days, now, I have a feeling Jared’s going to wake up good as new and He’d like to see y’all happy and healthy. You’re going to eat even if we have to shove it down your throats.”

Jeff handed Jensen a small lunch box with a pointed look. His stomach growled and Jeff smirked.

* * *

 

 

Three hours after their forced lunch, the double doors opened and Jared’s surgeon walked through them, he beamed, “Jared’s a fighter alright. He’s made it. Congratulations everyone.”

There was a beat of shocked silence after which everyone erupted into tears and praises to the Lord and thank God’s and hugs and kisses. Jensen was so happy he could kiss the surgeon too. He hugged Danneel and Gen, holding them tight enough to choke them probably, but everyone was too happy to notice.

“When can we see him?” Gen managed to ask through her tears

“He’s unconscious at the moment, but in a day or maybe two, you all can see him.”

Jensen pulled out his phone and so did everyone else it seemed, because the whole damn world needed to know that Jared was alive and well and on the road to recovery.

 

* * *

 

“Did you tell them?” the nurse asked

“Not yet, they were too happy, I didn’t have the heart to.”

Jensen ran up behind him, “Wait!”

“Jensen.” He smiled.

“What about the damage?” Jensen asked, out of breath

“Well.” He sighed and put his hands in his pockets, “We can’t be sure until he wakes up, Jensen, but until then, let’s just hope for the best.”

 

* * *

 

Two days of anxious waiting were finally over, and Genevieve and Jensen were the only two to visit. It had been decided that Jared needed all the rest he could get and so, everyone would visit him, but in due time.

The nurse reported that he was awake and Jensen had to shove Genevieve through the door, he could wait. Jared was fine now; he had all the time in the world.

 

Jensen was nervous when he walked through the door, “Hey, Jay.”

“Jensen.” His voice was weak, but it was the voice Jensen thought he’d never get to hear again.

“You’re alive.” He laughed

“Of course I’m alive, I’m Jared Fucking Padalecki.” Jared looked smug

“Yeah,” Jensen took Jared’s hand in his own, “yeah, you are.”

Jared’s eyes lit up with a sudden mischief, “Also”

Jensen should have seen this coming, “Don’t”

“It’s cause” Jared continued, flashing his dimple

“I said don’t do it.” He warned

“I’m not a Losechester.” Jared finished and Jensen groaned.

“I will punch you once you’re well enough.”

“As if, you love me.”

“No I don’t. I despise you.”

“I hate your guts.”

“I could-“

“Come here and kiss me, asshole.”

“Ask and you shall receive.”

“It’s an order, smartass.”

“Yessir,” and Jensen complied.

 

* * *

 

When they broke apart, Jared gently placed his head back on the pillow, “Thank you.” he said. It was barely above a whisper, and then he closed his eyes. Jensen left the room as silently as he could and went to hug Gen. He had only just turned to look at the door when he heard an indistinct beep. It was a long continuous beep, sounding almost like-

_NO_

And then, Jensen’s whole world crashed at his feet.

Doctors were going in and out of his room, Jensen doesn’t remember walking to the door but he found himself and Gen standing by it, peeking in, that beeping sound. It wasn’t stopping. It was continuous. Gen fell to the floor as the doctor solemnly announced, “Time of Death: 5:21PM. 10th May, 2018”

The doctors left and Jensen was yelling at them, almost hysterical, “WHERE ARE YOU GOING? GO HELP HIM! YOU’RE A FUCKING DOCTOR FOR CHRIST’S SAKE SO SAVE HIM. COME BACK HERE.” A nurse threatened to call security and Jensen rushed inside, “No, no, no, Jared? JARED? JAY? WAKE UP, MAN! PLEASE YOU GOTTA WAKE UP, JARED PLEASE!” He leaned over his best friend’s unresponsive form, “JARED, DID YOU HEAR WHAT THEY SAID? THEY THINK YOU’RE DEAD! HOW STUPID IS THAT?!” He laughed nervously, “BITCHES DON’T KNOW YOU ACT FOR A LIVING.”

He hit Jared lightly on the cheek, “DON’T DIE ON ME YOU SON OF A BITCH DON’T YOU DARE! GET UP RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP ME GOD. JARED. JARED! JARED! PLEASE!” Jensen was sobbing now, tears flowing from his eyes and dropping down his chin and onto Jared’s face, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! WAKE UP, JAY! JAY, I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU, JAY, PLEASE WAKE UP JARED PLEASE, I’M BEGGING YOU MAN, JARED PLEASE, JARED, I’M SORRY JARED PLEASE JUST OPEN YOUR EYES. OPEN YOU EYES AND WE’LL HEAD HOME.”

He shook him violently, “THE KIDS, MAN. THEY’RE WATING FOR YOU! REMEMBER THAT TIME WAY BACK WHEN YOU SAID YOU’D PAY FOR JJ’S WEDDING DRESS? JARED YOU SAID YOU’D TEACH HER HOW TO BE FUCKING AWESOME AT CHESS AND TURN INTO A BEAUTIFUL MATH NERD LIKE YOU CAUSE SHE LOVES NUMBERS. JARED, JARED PLEASE JUST WAKE UP.”  

Gen had walked into the room, she was trying to pull him away, “Jensen.” She spoke softly.

Jensen turned to look at her, eyes wild, “GEN, LOOK AT HIM! TELL HIM TO WAKE UP SO WE CAN GO HOME GEN, PLEASE TELL HIM TO CUT IT OUT THIS ISN’T FUNNY ANYMORE, PLEASE, GEN DO SOMETHING.”

Genevieve had been calling Jensen’s name out for a while now, but he had gone hysterical, “JENSEN” she shouted, he turned his tear stained face towards her, and broke.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The funeral. Listen to Just Breathe by Pearl Jam and die with me. Yes, I am indeed, Satan, Y'all have found me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen to Just Breathe by Pearl Jam. This is an order.

[Just Breathe - Pearl Jam - Youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTb9GNIxpMk)

The funeral ceremony was small; at least it was intended to be. But Jared was a beautiful human being, and he did a whole lot of good too. He had so many friends; so many, that Jensen was a little taken aback. He’d changed so many lives, he’d taught so many people to keep on living; it broke his heart over and over and over again.

Jared’s friends who possessed musical talent, sang “Just Breathe” by Pearl Jam. It was not a perfect rendition because their voices cracked and broke. Jensen refused to look anywhere but his hands as the tears seeped mercilessly down his cheeks.

 _Yes, I understand that every life must end, uh-huh_  
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, uh-huh  
Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands the ones I love  
Some folks just have one, yeah, others, they've got none  
  
Stay with me...  
Let's just breathe...  
  
Practiced are my sins, never gonna let me win, uh-huh  
Under everything, just another human being, uh-huh  
I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world to make me bleed  
  
Stay with me  
You're all I see...  
  
Did I say that I need you?  
Did I say that I want you?  
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see  
No one knows this more than me  
  
As I come clean...  
I wonder everyday, as I look upon your face, uh-huh  
Everything you gave  
And nothing you would take, oh no  
  
Nothing you would take  
Everything you gave...  
  
Did I say that I need you?  
Oh, did I say that I want you?  
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see  
No one knows this more than me  
And I come clean, ah...  
  
Nothing you would take  
Everything you gave  
Hold me 'til I die  
Meet you on the other side... 

\--

The cemetery was empty. There was however, a man in a suit standing before a fresh grave. His brows were furrowed, his gaze focused on the engraving, eyes angry and dark green, hair mussed from running his hand through it repeatedly, lips quivering.

“I can’t do this alone.” he quivered.

"Jensen?"

His head snapped to attention and focused on Tom, standing before him, looking like he knew his father wouldn't return any time soon.

"Unkie Jensen?" He repeated. Tom has Jared's eyes. God damn it.

"Yeah, sport?" he answered, having to say it twice because his voice wouldn't leave his mouth.

"Can we go home now?"

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Aftermath of Losing Jared Padalecki](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6074907) by [WaywardSonsAndBlazingGuns](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaywardSonsAndBlazingGuns/pseuds/WaywardSonsAndBlazingGuns)




End file.
